As a game publisher, several times a year I get amateur game ideas. Ideas, as it turns out, are worth nothing.  Implementation is everything.  Nevertheless, some people’s ideas are so great that they don’t want to share them, lest they be stolen.
Here’s a letter I received this morning, verbatim.  (Bullets in the original.)

Dear Sir or Madam;

I am a University at Buffalo student. I have developed and Copyrighted with the United States Copyright Office, a totally unique, novel, brilliant video game. Moreover, I have conducted demographic research and found that Caucasians, Blacks, Hispanics, Orientals all of various cultural persuasions have keen interest in playing this game. People from yuppie to yippie, hippie and thug, gangster, millionaire, trailer park resident, motorcycle biker, cowboy, middle of the road and any road have stated that although they would never do the things of my game in real life (at least for fear of fines or jail time) they would enjoy doing the deeds do-able in my game. My game offers a virtual reality/video game sublimation for sports/activities that mankind has enjoyed for millennium, but are now legally prohibited from doing. Human identification with the toughness and outrageous attitude that my game connotes endures, and in specialty magazines we find that the majority of advertisements are for …(I will not name them in this introductory letter) .. the “implements” which my game caters to. These “implements” sit idle in millions upon millions of American homes, idle from the tasks they were originally meant for. Several PhDs have strongly encouraged me to pursue Copyright, publication and marketing of my game! I am so excited!

Truly I am shocked that a game such as mine has not hit the market sooner. I guess the world was waiting for me.

As I said, the United States Copyright Office has granted me exclusive Copyright on this game. I cannot just tell you the nature of my game here in this introductory letter, even though I am itching to bring this game into stores and specialty magazines. Respond to me and we can arrange a meeting with my lawyer and make negotiations. I have been warned by other game developers that often big companies require game developers to waive rights even if the company rejects them but goes on to develop a similar game. I do not wish to waive my rights to this brain child. Together we could make $million$. Very probably, your company would make the lions’ share of profits.

I seek a well constructed product in digital or/and analogue data bit processing; I seek a colorful, crisp game that will bring hours of enjoyment to people, like myself, interested in this prohibited activity. I have consulted anthropological forensics, research specialists and others. I have expanded the applications of the game in unique ways to bring the home player into a vivid, diverse background of play activities. I have included applications which bring the home player into the development of characters and “implements”. I have several different scoring options. Players may play against the computer, against other players on the same unit in close proximity and against players across the internet.

For the love of money and historical preservation, get in contact with me and let’s make a fortune!

This letter made me pretty happy.  From the test demographics with “Orientals” to the vague promise of virtual activities that “we’re legally prohibited from doing,” this letter is gold.  All I have to do is get in touch with his lawyer and negotiate a contract so I can discover what this great idea is, and we can make “$million$.”

Oh, boy.  My “implements” are sitting idle.

Gay marriage opponents say that gay marriage would hurt the economy by creating new beneficiary spouses, presumably getting unfair health insurance.

It’s hard for me to get excited about stopping anybody from getting health insurance.

Supporters say that if gay marriage were legalized, it would add $16 billion to the economy by increasing the demand for cakes and invitations.

If everybody went out and bashed in their windshield with a sledgehammer, it would add $60 billion to the economy.  Hooray.

I’m all for gay marriage (or, alternately, for treating straight marriage as a civil union in the eyes of the government), but it’s really not an economics issue.

Mary’s cooking show has the second episode done.  She’ll show you how to make creme brulee.

Yesterday morning my iPhone started acting funny, vibrating at random intervals, and generally acting like the mute switch was being flipped on and off.  I did a software restore, but that didn’t help.  So I made an appointment at the Apple store for today — surely it’s still under warranty, right?

So I tolerated the vibrating all day, and took it to the appointment, with it vibrating in my pocket the whole way.  But when I got there, the damn thing acted perfectly.

Don’t you hate that?  Makes me feel like a user.

I was feeling the urge to conspicuously consume for some reason, so I was browsing new digital cameras.  Now, my current camera (a Canon A570 IS) works fine, and cost less than $100 a couple of years ago, but a fancier newer camera never hurts, right?  Surely I can find somebody to hand-me-down my old one.

So after a little browsing, the Canon SX10 IS caught my eye.  Much less portable than my current camera (which fits in my pocket uncomfortably, but fits), but the 20x zoom is pretty compelling, and I’ve had an urge for the hot shoe (for external flash), too.  And look, only $200 from some retailer I’ve never heard of, but which had a five star rating from the price comparison site EveryPrice.com.  And they have it in stock. Great!  In a wave of impulse buying, I ordered it.

I already knew that a more typical street price for this camera is $350-$400, but finding low prices on the internet is no surprise to me.  I keep my eyes open for bargains, and I feel like I regularly get cool stuff ridiculously cheap.

A few hours later, I got a call from the friendly camera place to confirm my order.  No problem.  They also wanted to know if I wanted any accessories, like a camera bag, extra battery pack, or a bigger memory card.  No thanks, I said dismissively.  This camera just uses AA batteries, which I have in abundance, and I have a spare 32 GB SDHC card laying around just dying to go in a fancy new camera, so I knew I was already prepared.

“No, really,” said the salesman.  “This camera’s battery pack will give out after only 12 pictures.  And with no memory card, the camera is basically useless.”  For the first time, my suspicions were raised, but I played along.  How much for the battery pack and memory? “We have a special today.  The Extended Life battery package is only $99, and I can get you a 2GB SD for only $109.”  Wow, the $200 they wanted to charge me for maybe $20 (at most) worth of parts didn’t seem like a very good deal for a place with great prices on everything else.

“No, really, I’m good.  Just the camera, please.”  He gave me a couple more rounds of hard sell on the unnecessary crap, but eventually he had to admit that I didn’t need the other stuff.

But wait, “Oh, it looks like we’re out of stock on that camera, so I’ll put it on backorder for you.  It should be in stock in a day or two.”

I wasn’t really in a rush, but I wanted to test a theory.  “Hey, I’m kind of in a hurry.  Can you get it to me faster if I order the package with the memory and battery?”

He paused.  I could hear his brain balancing saying something stupid against possibly making a sale.  Sale won.  “Um, yeah — we do have a package unit right here!  Want me to get that out today?”

No.  So I had them backorder it, but then I Googled this company (Stop and Shop Digital) to check their reputation, and it turns out their business model is to list an unrealistically low price on price search engines, then upsell customers overpriced add-ons.  If the customers don’t bite, they place the product on backorder, where it remains forever, though apparently every time you call they claim it will ship soon.

It won’t.

On the plus side, they never attempted to bill my credit card or anything.  I guess they just hope a certain percentage of customers are stupid, which seems like a good bet, in general. It must be sad to have a job that involves lying to people and cheating them.

I don’t need a new camera, anyway.