In my youth, I thought one dated members of the opposite sex to learn more about them, and find whether they’d be an appropriate long term mate.
When I got older (and wiser?), I realized that dating was more about learning about yourself, and one kind of person might be an appropriate mate for you.
The difference is that with the first mindset, there’s no point in going out with somebody who you can eliminate as an inappropriate match, but with the second, different kinds of people have lots of things to teach you, especially about yourself.
I guess it seemed intuitively obvious that I already knew all there was about myself. Obvious, but wrong.
So, to the young: Date lots of people!
I thought dating was about getting laid, and then accidentally finding someone you could fall in love with.
February 14th, 2010 | #
Dating, for me was kind of the way you describe thinking when you were young. I also slept with lots of friends and was conscious that I did learn a lot about myself through those experiences. I never tried to reconcile the two practices because social mores seemed to completely rule out my friendly approach.
I agree though, that even people who are actively looking for mates should follow something like the path you describe.
February 14th, 2010 | #
I think the modern mindset of linking sex with dating has led to a reduction in dating. Back in the (conservative) fifties and before, it was perfectly normal for a girl to date one boy on Tuesday and another on Friday. That was sort of uncool when I was in high school, and that’s too bad.
February 14th, 2010 | #
I think it’s more complex. I was in HS around the same time, and you’re right about how dating was viewed then. I think perhaps the best we can hope for now is to reach a state where people who are dating don’t have to have sex, but it’s ok if the do. Basically, sex needs to be less symbolic in dating, if that makes sense.
February 14th, 2010 | #
Ugh, high school. Everyone knew the one person you were “going out with” and whether you were “doing it” or not. I wouldn’t even properly call that dating. After I left the guy from high school (when I was 30), I dated more indiscriminately. I think I learned more about what kind of person I wasn’t than what kind of person I was then.
February 14th, 2010 | #