Yesterday my two daughters (8 and 10) watched a movie at the mall and took the bus back to our home. This was their first time riding the bus by themselves, and was to be an exciting adventure.
While they were waiting at the bus stop, an off duty police officer saw them and stopped by to make sure they were OK. I appreciate this — it’s nice to have people watching out for the welfare of kids. As it turns out, these questions from a strange man unnerved the kids, and their instructions not to talk to strangers were in conflict with their natural inclination to be polite. They asked if they could call me, and he told them he was calling to wait until the police arrived. This scared them. Though they were doing nothing wrong, they weren’t 100% certain of themselves. (One of their friends in preschool, years ago, had their father arrested for leaving his son in the backseat of the car while he was inside a 7-11.)
After two cars arrived, the officers agreed to allow her to call me. I was just across the street at a Denny’s. Though this was to be an unsupervised adventure, I didn’t want to be too far in case they needed help. My daughter was crying and frightened, and said, “The police are here.” I hopped in the car and drove right over, arriving approximately 3 minutes after being called.
Upon arrival, I showed the officers my ID, and gave my daughters’ names and birthdates. They started asking lots of questions. Nothing good for me could possibly come from answering them, so I gave them, “I’m going to remain silent. Am I free to go?” I know that neither I nor my daughters had done anything wrong, but my wife has two lawyer parents, and it’s been drilled into my head to keep my mouth shut, no matter what.
It turns out I wasn’t free to go, and neither were my girls. “We need to figure this out,” said the officers. “Just wait here.” I took out my camera so I could take a picture of the officers’ badge numbers (#27 and #9), and both became very defensive. “I’ll tell you my badge number, but you can’t take a picture of my badge.” This is obviously absurd, but it’s rarely a good idea to argue with the police, so I took notes, instead.
I asked again if I was free to go, and again was told that I was not. The officers moved away (the two uniformed officers and a third without a uniform — not the same as the off duty officer who started the incident) and huddled. While I couldn’t overhear the officers, it seemed likely to me that they were trying to think of something to charge me with. Every ten minutes, I approached them to ask if I was free to go, and they continued to tell me that I was not, but would give no reason for this detainment.
When I pointed out that they were forcing me and the girls to stand around without shade in the hot sun (it was 101 in the shade), and suggested we move into the mall, they responded negatively.
After 28 minutes of detainment, it seems that the officers could come up with no reason to arrest or hold me, so they said I was finally free to go, not without a few critical comments of my parenting.
Not wanting the girls’ adventure to end that way, I put them on the next bus home, anyway. They got on and off by themselves without further incident. Overall, they were pleased with their adventure — though it was more exciting than they had hoped for — and were proud of themselves for handling the situation well.
Must we be so protective of our kids that their greatest fear is their parents being arrested for child endangerment?